The missus and the daughters are movie buffs. Last week they came back after watching 102 Not Out \u2013 and insisted that it is worth a dekko. The general theme is of a geriatric father \u2013 and \u2013 son. Knowing how geratrism is catching up with me, I thought it would have been a great idea to have taken my dad along with it. But Dad is 78 out, so decided that it would be with father-in-law who is 75 not out. So pa-in-law was summoned \u2013 and both of us walked down to the next door multiplex for the only show at 1715 hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I average about 2-3 movies in the theater a year. And about the same outside of it. Most of the movies I watch have slices of my own life. I remember being moved by Amit Bhai in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum. And with the recent passing away of the dad, wanted to watch this one in homage. Was he a good dad? Was I a good son? Will my kids be good?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I came home and asked the missus about the conspiracy of sending me to the film, with father-in-law in tow. My take-away was how parents need to stand up to their kids. With a son in Australia, I could see the pa-in-law shedding a tear or two, with the errant American son, who refuses to visit with his family. (Disclosure: the Australian son does visit.) The masterpiece in the script was the clich\u00e9d \u2018I hope you understand.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I asked the missus, \u2018Looking at your dad dis-inheriting the brother?\u2019 Having just inherited a flat from my parents, this was quite cheek-in-tongue, I guess. But a good time to think about what you want to leave behind for your kids. Methinks giving them a good education beats giving them good property. Ideally, property should be for society. If we accept this, it takes away a lot of the rat-racism that occupies a central part of our life. It is easy to be a philanthropist when you are looking at donating a small part of your total wealth. But will I have the courage to give away most of the little that I have \u2013 and yet manage to keep my family bonds in place?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The missus\u2019 perspective on the film was quite different. It was about not being trapped in bonds with your children. It was about leading an independent \u2013 and happy life. So after the movie, sat down with the pa-in-law and asked him: \u2018What happened when your parents died?\u2019 He mentioned that he was with them on both occasions. But just about. It was his brother who took care of them in the last stages. To add to the masala, he has a mother-in-law who is 102. And all the \u2018caring\u2019 responsibilities are with only one of the three sons. The deeper issue is what do we all do when we get old? I don\u2019t expect too much of care giving from the daughters \u2013 who won\u2019t be even staying in the city I would be in. One thing I am sure of is I will be avoiding hospital stays as far as possible. Home is where my journey started (a dai helped my mom with the birth in Lucknow) and it would be a good place to end the journey. My dad died of a heart-attack. The mom of cancer. One of the two is going to be my Big Boss. It does not cost too much to die, if you accept it. Maybe all that is needed is young friends in the city that you stay in \u2013 who can take care of the nitty gritties when you finally kick the bucket. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"