The easiest way to not fail – is to not plan. Most of us adopt this approach for the long term. However, in the short term there are always plans: food has to be made, houses have to be cleaned, online lectures have to be attended, hobbies have to be indulged in. All this mundane stuff can also see planning hurdles. You can’t find the book that you were doing your homework in, muscles are too cramped for today’s clean up. Worse still are interruptions. The internet connection suddenly dies in the middle of a session. The gas cylinder sputters just when the rice is about to get done. 

Sometimes interruptions are harmless. But at times interruptions make you start all over again. It’s natural to be anguished about repetitions. It’s also natural to lose temper. Does losing temper help? Am sure it does. Emotions are an important part of communication. Letting someone know what kind of behaviours you like or dislike trains people around you, in a kind of Pavlovian way. But this Pavlovian training can backfire. A display of emotions can lead to an emotive counter reaction. If this counter reaction is visible, then it can lead to a rapprochement, with changes in behaviour of both the parties. But when the reaction is not visible to you, you lose part of the most important asset that you own, your reputation. 

So how does one handle failures? In psychology, the delaying of gratification is seen as a surrogate for long term success. I would add a few more surrogates – postponement of judgment is one more. Human tendency is to externalise failures. We are always on the lookout for agents responsible for our failures. During our moments of indiscretion, we tend to dump our emotional loads on these agents. Dr Pandit was narrating the story of his dad – and how his dad could not complete his MD because he felt that he was being victimised. One day, in a burst of emotion, he accosted his guide – and accused him of nepotism. The charge may have been true – but that’s not really the matter. What happened as a result – was that the guide took a solemn vow to not allow the Sr Dr Pandit to complete his MD. The curse turned out to be a true one. 

When you are angry, NEVER react immediately. In my TV watching days two decades ago, I remember a Marathi sitcom. The protagonist was discussing with her friend how drinking water helps her tackle domestic woes. After many tiffs with her husband, and a lot of heartburn, she learns an interesting technique. Whenever she finds someone criticising her, she responds by drinking two glasses of water. The time required to drink the water gave her the time to think. 

And ask herself: Could the criticism be a valid one? The first reaction to criticism is defence. It takes time for criticism to sink in. Sometimes even years. In 2003, my partner Milind Damle criticised my style of working. He felt that I was wearing too many hats – and not doing justice to even a single one. He recommended that I let go of one of the hats – of running the Pune center of Bulls Eye. My business journey had started with the Pune center – and letting it go was something that I could never even imagine. Yet two years later, that is exactly what I did. And it worked well. 

Always associate failures with behavior changes. The ratio of successes to failures in life is 1 : 100. Not all successes are big – and not all failures are life changing. Success rarely teaches us anything. Success is a reinforcement of our inborn talents. Success deepens our sense of entitlement. The euphoria associated with success is like a high that you get on drugs or alcohol. The 1 minute of pleasure is immediately followed by the 100 minutes of anxiety as you await the next kick.

The human brain is designed for unhappiness. If your brain were awash in happiness inducing chemicals, you would even forget basic stuff like eating. So there is a reason for unhappiness. And dealing with unhappiness is something that you have to train yourself for. Let unhappiness be the stimulus for change. For me another surrogate for success is the ability to initiate change. Being proactive not reactive in change management. With every failure, ask yourself this question: what can I change, so that next time I face a new failure?  Cadavers live utopian lives. They make no mistakes. They encounter no failures. When you choose to live, you choose to fail.