The missus and the daughters are movie buffs. Last week they came back after watching 102 Not Out – and insisted that it is worth a dekko. The general theme is of a geriatric father – and – son. Knowing how geratrism is catching up with me, I thought it would have been a great idea to have taken my dad along with it. But Dad is 78 out, so decided that it would be with father-in-law who is 75 not out. So pa-in-law was summoned – and both of us walked down to the next door multiplex for the only show at 1715 hours.

I average about 2-3 movies in the theater a year. And about the same outside of it. Most of the movies I watch have slices of my own life. I remember being moved by Amit Bhai in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum. And with the recent passing away of the dad, wanted to watch this one in homage. Was he a good dad? Was I a good son? Will my kids be good?

I came home and asked the missus about the conspiracy of sending me to the film, with father-in-law in tow. My take-away was how parents need to stand up to their kids. With a son in Australia, I could see the pa-in-law shedding a tear or two, with the errant American son, who refuses to visit with his family. (Disclosure: the Australian son does visit.) The masterpiece in the script was the clichéd ‘I hope you understand.’

So I asked the missus, ‘Looking at your dad dis-inheriting the brother?’ Having just inherited a flat from my parents, this was quite cheek-in-tongue, I guess. But a good time to think about what you want to leave behind for your kids. Methinks giving them a good education beats giving them good property. Ideally, property should be for society. If we accept this, it takes away a lot of the rat-racism that occupies a central part of our life. It is easy to be a philanthropist when you are looking at donating a small part of your total wealth. But will I have the courage to give away most of the little that I have – and yet manage to keep my family bonds in place?

The missus’ perspective on the film was quite different. It was about not being trapped in bonds with your children. It was about leading an independent – and happy life. So after the movie, sat down with the pa-in-law and asked him: ‘What happened when your parents died?’ He mentioned that he was with them on both occasions. But just about. It was his brother who took care of them in the last stages. To add to the masala, he has a mother-in-law who is 102. And all the ‘caring’ responsibilities are with only one of the three sons. The deeper issue is what do we all do when we get old? I don’t expect too much of care giving from the daughters – who won’t be even staying in the city I would be in. One thing I am sure of is I will be avoiding hospital stays as far as possible. Home is where my journey started (a dai helped my mom with the birth in Lucknow) and it would be a good place to end the journey. My dad died of a heart-attack. The mom of cancer. One of the two is going to be my Big Boss. It does not cost too much to die, if you accept it. Maybe all that is needed is young friends in the city that you stay in – who can take care of the nitty gritties when you finally kick the bucket.