Number of words: 261

Puns for the day

1.I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

2.My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

3.Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

4.Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

5. Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible”

“Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

6. My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.” “Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that way.”

7.I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

8.I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.

9.What’s the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.

10.Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

11.eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

12.I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

13.Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.

14.Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

15. With great reflexes comes great response ability.